Season 2, Episode 2: My Shot

I figured I should get this post over with (and by over with, I mean typed up) before I forget, or school gets hectic, or life does, or any assortment of those three things coincide.

I have officially made it through week one of college. I survived all my classes (contrary to my assumptions that I wouldn't), I actually enjoyed some of the lessons, and I ultimately had fun meeting people and learning new material.

I bet you don't get that one often from kids going back to school, do you?

You see, while most students from UMD moved in on the weekend of the 26th, I moved in on the 21st, a whole five days before, for the phenomenon that is early week.

In short, Early Week is the UMD version of band camp for the Mighty Sound of Maryland, our amazing marching band, and its auxiliary units, the dance team and the color guard. I decided earlier on in the summer that I would do color guard to help dig up some school spirit early on (so it wouldn't take me three and a half years), and to be involved in something going into the school year.

Not a choice I regret.

Anyhow, early week was fun and boring, crazy and tame, any oxymoronic statement you can think of, it probably was. I had loads of fun getting to meet my teammates and bond with them, but it was hard work learning routines, and standing out in the sun for three hours in 97 degree heat. Was I ultimately pleased with my performance at the end of the week? I'd say so. But regardless, it was a lot of work, and it didn't really let up until Sunday the 28th (the day before classes were set to start), when we had the day off. I wandered around campus with one of my roommates and we found all of our class buildings, and then we decided to go back to the dorm, organize a bit, and order insomnia cookies, because... well because college. (Again, more things I do not regret).

Then classes started. I have my classes set up so that I have three core classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and then either two or one on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so overall, my schedule isn't all that bad. I especially enjoy my Thursday mornings, where I don't have a class until 3:00 in the afternoon, but that's a bit beside the point.

My classes are pretty great, in all honesty. I'm thrilled about what I get to study, and I enjoy my professors quite a bit. More excitingly though, I've been having some really weird realizations (grand scheme: not weird; for me, right now: weird) about college and life and school and my future and all that jazz.

I'm going to lay some of these out, and we'll just see where it goes, alright?

1) I will actually make friends. 

I wasn't terribly caught up in worrying about this, to be entirely honest. I had a fair amount of things to think about before I even moved out here, and this wasn't really one of the things on my list. At the same time, it's a bit of a natural fear to worry about meeting people when you move somewhere new.

Caleb during a movie event that he invited me to. 

I have to admit, I've definitely been grateful for my one friend who also came from LZ to MD with me. His name is Caleb (if you read this Caleb, thanks for being fantastic), and we've casually gotten together about three times since we got here, and we talk pretty much every day. It's been both strange and much appreciated, as I had joked about us running into each other during the school year.

Me being excited that Caleb and I finally sat down to a meal together.

Me and my band buddy (aka Mom)

 He's a great guy, and I feel thrilled to have someone that I know here on campus. In moderately related news, I've actually made myself some friends too. As I mentioned earlier, I joined Color Guard, and in the process, somehow became a part of a family. We're pretty cute, not gonna lie, here are some pictures:

Me and some of my guard sisters ft TESTUDO (after officially being inducted into MSOM)

The whole squad ❤️

2) I'll make it through my classes. 

In some random sect of my mind, I thought I was going to fail them all. I won't. I mean, I can't see the future or anything, but I'm committed to what I want to study, and I'm excited to continue to learn about government and the criminal justice system.

I am not throwing away my shot.

Yes, this is hanging in my dorm room as we speak (as I type..?)

As much as college is different from high school, I've decided that I will make it through my classes successfully- I just need to stay organized, and on top of my workload. I have 18 (technically 19) classes a week, which might sound like a lot, but it boils down to 7 classes that meet a varying number of times per week. They're not terrible classes, in fact, for the most part, they're all classes that I was beyond willing and excited to take. So now I just need to get my head wrapped around the fact that I'm back in school, and I'll be golden. (Side note- As of right now, I'm actually ahead of almost all of my homework-sans notes, because really, who gets ahead with notes?)

3) I'm still going to miss my friends like crazy. 

In another quite random sect of my mind, I think I had assumed that as soon as I move out here, I would suddenly stop having attachments to my friends from school and camp. A bit of a stupid conjecture, if I'm being honest with myself. I also seemed to think that I was over the idea of leaving them. I'm not, and if anything, hanging out with Caleb since I've been here has been a sort of pseudo-regularity in place of everyone else that I normally would see too. My friends are great, and I suppose it's an equally great thing that I'm not over missing them, because that just means when I come home in the winter I'll be even more excited to see them and to share my experiences with them. I'm in a group chat with a bunch of kids who were in my AP English class during my senior year, who are incredibly adept at making me smile in almost every context. The other day, my phone became clogged with notifications, and in checking them, I discovered that our chat had become active again and that they were all casually discussing college and how much they all missed each other and I realized how much I missed having people around who knew what our suburb was, so that I wasn't required to introduce myself as being from "Chicago" (air-quotes are definitely necessary, I do not live in Chicago). During my last few days at home, I was able to interact with almost all of my favorite people- mainly through board game parties (If anyone is looking for a birthday present for me, feel free to throw in a game of Clue- or the movie for that matter). In cleaning up my storage on my phone, I keep on coming across pictures from those last few days and getting (understandable) pangs in my chest because in cherishing my last few days at home, I created some of the most memorable and fun moments I've had in my life.

To my friends: You are amazing. You guys have fueled my insanity for countless years, and I'm so blessed to have you all in my life. You bring out the best parts of me, and simultaneously have brought out parts of me that I didn't even know were there. You've forced me to grow even when I wanted nothing more than to hide under my covers and pretend I was a child again.  You went above and beyond in all areas of friendship. You stayed up until three in the morning with me to talk about whatever I was stressed about, you bought me a card for a silly anniversary of ours, you sent me migraine hacks, you visited me when I was alone after my uncle passed, you threw me a surprise birthday party, you cried with me when I didn't get into the college I had dreamed about, you stayed over until 1am to play board games with me, you went out to brunch and had political debates and discussions with me- you listened to me, and you actually heard what I said. You've inspired me to never give up on things that I believe in. You've pushed me to work harder than I wanted to, and you've supported me in my successes. You repeatedly reminded me of my worth and the value of our friendship. You also repeatedly reminded me that some things- some people- are worth fighting for, again and again. You all brought me so much joy and purpose and I can't thank you enough for creating communities that I felt like I belonged in. #friendgoals to all of you.

#powderpuffchamps

Aloha LZ ft Kel

Aloha LZ ft. TMNT

The Ginger MVP of my life (#friendshipgoals)

Senior Girls (also ft Danyel)

Friends who let you borrow their sweaters are the best kinds of friends

"It was supposed to be an elephant...She forgot the trunk"

When Jack beat us with pure luck

Blast16

"Let's do our pose" "You mean this one?" "Yup"

Prom Queens

One of my favorite couples and some of my favorite people. 

In short, people have made my experiences amazing- both in MD and back in LZ. I love getting to know new people, and I've loved getting to grow up with my friends. It's pretty great.

I have one more realization to add though.

4) It's going to be hard.

I know that I can handle my workload, and I know I'll make friends and become more comfortable living out here, but I'm also not naïve enough to think that it's all going to be a walk in the park. It's going to be hard to keep a grip on my academics, my social life, and my spiritual walk. I know that, and I'm trying my hardest, but I also know that I'm going to fail somewhere, sometime. I was doing my devotionals (which consist of my looking up different presidential inauguration passages in my Patriot's Bible, and doing a bit of analysis on them) today, and I asked my friend Sammy for a President to look up. She gave me William Howard Taft, our 27th President. I had always thought of Taft as a bit of a joke because, I mean... He got stuck in a bathtub, guys! But after the last few years, I've gained a newfound appreciation for him. Not only was he our nation's leader, but after his Presidency, he also went on to be our 10th Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. That really resounded with me, seeing that I want to be a judge. Suffice it to say, my opinion of him has grown greatly. So anyway, I looked up his inauguration passage, and I found it to be one of my favorite passages as well. It's found in 1 Kings, Chapter 3, when Solomon finds out he is going to be King and God tells him that He would give him anything he asked. In verses 9-12, it says" 'So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?' The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, 'Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.' " Solomon asked the God of creation for wisdom in governing His people, because he understood, much better than many of us, that the nation he was about to rule did not belong to him, but rather, to God. Ever since I first read those verses, they've resonated with me. In times when I may have the opportunity to lead, the reminder that God is the one who grants me whatever wisdom or understanding I may have is a great thing to remember. I know I'll make mistakes along the way, but if the wisdom of God is with me, I'll make it through in the end.

That being said, I've still got plenty to learn. I'll be praying about my studies everyday, and I hope you'll join me!

If you want to send me anything ever, whether it be a card, a package, or a stick of gum, I'd love to hear from you. My address is:

Amanda Fiddler

University of Maryland

Queen Anne's Hall, Room 1117

7645 Preinkert Drive,

College Park, MD 20742

Signing off,

Amanda

P.S. Photos below

 (Some casual selfies from my first week of school because why not)